Perks of customer service and living in London

.--.

Photo archives when first time in London. 2010

Perks (mhm?) of customer service:

(just an examples, the harsh ones are really really rare, but never-forgotten) 

- Hi, I have read in your website and your voice machine says that you do not take requests for X. However, I would like to ask for X.

- My apologies, madam, but as you mentioned, we do not take requests for X. 

***

- I know I know that you do not take requests for X but because my friend got news that he has a cancer and now it was his first chemotherapy session I would like to treat him and brighten up his day...

(are you seriously??) 

- I am so sorry for the situation, however, we are not able to take requests for X as we cannot guarantee it. But maybe we can help in other way? 

- Have you heard what I've said?? MY FRIEND IS ILL!! %&8*$ 

Hangs up and calls again and thinks that is speaking with different person. 

- Hi, I know that you do not take requests for X but as my friend just heard that he will be a dad, I would like to treat him!

- Unfortunately, but (same story). 

- Whatever, just book me in and place a note about that we celebrate Birthday. 

***

- Hello, I would like to make a booking. 

- Yes, and what date are you looking at?

- I do not know yet. 

- Mhmh.. Unfortunately, we are not able to book if you cannot provide the date when you would like to come.

- Can you check Monday? 

- Which Monday, madam? And how many of you will be? 

- Any Monday. How many? I do not know yet. Maybe 2 or 10. 

- But that is a bit difference, madam. I would need the exact number. And date. 

- Why you cannot simply check whether you have something??? 

- Apologies, but we can book 2 months in advance, there are different times and dates available for different group sizes. Thus, I in order to check whether we have something, I will need to know what are you looking for. 

- Stupid system. 

Hangs up. 

***

- Hello, I would like to know what is your dress code. 

- Our dress code is smart elegant, no gym wear,  flip-flops and sports attire. 

- And what about jeans?

- Jeans ar ok.

- Even the blue ones?

- Yes, sire.

- And what about colorful jeans? 

- As long as jeans are not ripped, you will be ok. 

- Hmh.. But if there are some scratches? 

- It depends, sir. Tiny scratches on jeans, styled with closed shoes will be ok. 

- But how you can assure me that my jeans will be ok?

- Apologies, but I am not able assure you that as it depends on your overall look.

- Ok. What about shoes? Are trainers allowed?

- Regretfully, but not.

- But my trainers are expensive and designer trainers! 

- I understand, sir, but you will be not allowed to enter with trainers. 

- You can go, sire, but not wearing trainers. Even expensive or designer ones.

Hangs up. 

***

- Hi,give me table. Now. For 8 people.

- Good afternoon. Regretfully to say, but we are fully booked. 

- Look, lady, you do not know nothing! I spend thousands and thousands at your place. Give me a table! 

(checking the profile, guest has been with us 5 times, while we have plenty who visited tens and hundreds times).

- I am really sorry but for 8 people, Saturday night to find a table with us (or any London place, actually) is a quite short notice. 

- It seems that you are new here and you do not know anything. Give me a table or I will call your owner and will tell to fire you. GIVE ME A TABLE!! 

- Hmh, I can pass your message sir, just give me your details and my manager will call himself. But in a meantime we do not have availability.

- So I am DOCTOR X and I will wait for someone to call and if not, I will speak with someone who will put you in trouble, lady. 

*After 10 minutes* Manager calls the Dr. X. He picks up and when hears who is calling, hangs up. 

***

- Hi honey, can you book me in on Sunday?

- Yes, not a problem, sir. How many guests and what time? 

- Oh, sweetheart, let's see. 3 guests at 7 pm. 

(checking availability, booking in)

- You know, your voice is so sweet! Sugar-honey. And your accent is lovely. Where are you from? Germany? No, I bet from France, such a sweet voice. 

(kidding me? My eastern-european accent is recognized everywhere. Thinking whether I wanna go to always-the-same conversation from where am I and that the caller has a friend from the same country). 

- I come from Baltic countries, sir. Your booking is now confirmed. 

- I said so!! From Poland, no?? 

***

- I can offer our bar area, madam, but you all have to be over 21 years old. 

- Hahaha, hihihi, muahaha. Oh, girl, I wish I would be younger than that. That's a compliment from you (did I say a compliment??) My twenties are far gone! 

(80% people react the same to this particular question. Conclusion: we think we are original, but actually we are all the same). 

Perks of living in London:

Huge parks, green areas, politeness and the 'fake friendliness' which you can easily can get used to it. And enjoy but there are particular people who can lift the mood of hundreds. Hundreds people. Either it is Monday or Friday. 

These are people working in metro. The ones who say 'Please do not lean on the doors', 'Please be careful, train is approaching' and other things to make people travel safer. And from time to time you sit, with your book open, or crammed among other tens of people travelling to work and when train is stopping at the station you hear: 

'Ladies and gentlemen, now train has to stay here for one minute or more until green light. So, you have to listen to me, haha. So listen, guys this is your day! Your day to make it beautiful! You are strong, happy and motivated! You can make it! The sun is shining and this is a day to be THE DAY! You can not listen to me, but hey, guys, you still can hear me and I want to say that you are amazing, people! Today is Friday and hell yeahh it will be a good Friday! You are sexy people! Yup yup! Look,  I do not have more time talk shit, doors are losing, keeeeep your belongings with you and do not forget to smile!' 

Doors are closing, you turn your head, look over the inside train and... EVERYONE chuckles. One man, standing on the platform wearing fluorescent west talks whatever comes to his mind and spreads with a help of radio ration. And he makes hundreds of people smile. Just like that. Just love it.